"You know,it's not a bad life,this being a dog lark. My plan for total world dominance is slowly taking shape. I've gotten rid of mother.Moved her in to the old folks home across the way.Well, she was getting a bit too much attention for my liking. Cramping my style you see. The old fart of a setter is no bother.I can be at the scraps bowl before his arthritic old legs have lifted him off the carpet. And as for the cat? well he hasn't been near the house for six months since I gave him a 'seeing to'.I've just got this new settee too.Leather don't you know.Not new, but it'll do.Just my size,as long as they sit on the floor. Apparently it's easier for them to clean after I've sprawled on it. And sprawl on it I do! Well you see, I've chewed enough shoes and stuff now they don't shut me in the utility room any longer so I've got free use of all furniture during the night. Well, until about four in the morning when I go up and jump on their heads in bed. It's a right laugh,they can't shut the bedroom door you see, due to the house falling down and it no longer fits in the frame.
Just need to sort the catering side a bit. Helped myself to a smashing pork loin the other week in a bid to demonstrate that, I too appreciate the finer things in life,but so far I'm still only getting dog type biscuits.
Well, it's getting late. He's off to bed now. I'll leave it a couple of hours and then I'll have one of my barking sessions where I pretend I've seen something. Always good for a bit of night time attention. woof woof."
Watch out Puppy, I think they may be on to you! Better lay low and behave politely for a bit...don't worry these humans have very short memories! A good way to improve your diet is to feign illness...works every time at La Grand-Mere...Gourmet rations come out, lots of attention and cuddles...trouble is you mustn't take it too far or you can end up spending the weekend at the vets surgery and come home with disgusting "recovery" food. Good luck, stay chilled,
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